Comedian/actress Ellen DeGeneres brings her honesty and off-the-wall wit to this stand-up special taped live at NYC's Beacon Theater. 2021 Scraps from the Loft. I cant No. Maybe its right for Ive gardened. You don't have a barrel or anything like that? I think youre doing a great job. Like, if someone cuts me off in a dangerous way if I honk, they are like: Ellen? [crowd laughs] [crowd laughs and claps] Yeah, that and the dancing. They dont. Top-rated television show host and New Orleans native Ellen DeGeneres was the keynote speaker at Tulane University's 2009 Commencement. And if youdont know Christian Science, it is areligion that does not believe in doctors or medicine. Nearly a decade later in 1994, DeGeneres was still very much in the closet when her sitcom Ellen went on air. Back that ass up Good afternoon, students. Ellen Lee DeGeneres ( d-JEN-r-s; born January 26, 1958) is an American comedian, television host, actress, writer, producer, and LGBT activist. I have 15 on right now. Some of the restaurants are trying to figure out how to help vegans. Put that in perspective. In 2016, she received the Presidential Medal of Freedom. That was big of her, so yeah. Ellen Degeneres: (04:10) Yeah, we never had a vaccination, never had But they even kept, like,medicine I didnt know anything about medicine. Youre 21 and youve already accomplished more than I had at that age. Ellen Degeneres: (00:53) "The truth is, I always trust my . "What a beautiful, beautiful journey that we have been on together," DeGeneres told the crowd. Ellen's show experienced a hiatus from mid-December 2020 to mid-January 2021. Help me. And then I passed out. Thank you. Ill wanna have a poncho on. Ellen Degeneres: (02:17) Yeah, they really made it known that celebrities wear something and I remember, Charlton Heston came to town and I was four years old and everybody was crowdingaround trying to get a good look at Charlton Heston. Extend your content reach and maximize your engagement rates. Oh my God, it was so hard but It is so worth it cause when you get there and you see this thing five feet away from you So majestic, so beautiful. I moved into this tiny basement apartment and you could hardly stand up in it. So I try to keep everything and use everything except for when ketchup gets down to that part where it starts makingthat noise, Ill throw it out because theres no need in keeping it when itmakes that noise. That is lovely energy. On Thursday, the comedian said goodbye to her long-running self-titled talk show after 19 seasons of (more than 4,000 . Ellen Degeneres: ( 00:00) Hi, everyone and welcome. Got your eye on any good medication you want to tell me about? Ill bring a gown in case theres a captain from a boat that I have to have dinner with. Oh. Even if we dont understand it, it doessomething for something else. But I really For a few minutes there it really seemed like it was goingwell and I thought everyone in Hollywoodthats closeted is gonna come out after me I pictured like a stampede of wildelephants like every closeted actor andactress in Hollywood But instead, they were like littlemeerkats coming out of their little meerkat closets. Dont applaud for that. With tear-stained cheeks, Ellen DeGeneres signed off her chatshow for the final time on Thursday, ending a daytime TV juggernaut that had lasted 19 years. Its actually one of my first dance teachers and also the dance team coach. I got a TV from the gay lady. Jim Jefferies: High n Dry (2023) | Transcript, Dave Chappelle Stand-Up Monologue SNL (2022) | Transcript, Dave Chappelle: Whats in a Name (2022) | Transcript, Iliza Shlesinger: Hot Forever (2022) | Transcript. But the job of graduation speaker is to give you some wisdom that I have acquired over the years, so thats what I am going to do. You got a stupid ass, yeah, make me laugh, yeah [crowd laughs] I gotta get the fuck out of here. So its been 15 years since Ive donestand-up and when I decided to do thisspecial a friend of mine was at my house and I told him: Im going to do stand upagain. And he said: Really? And I said: Yeah. I make that statement, six years later, this happens. Hes a handsome boy. And I wantedto understand this. And [claps] And that time, after I came out, was really one of the hardest periods of my life, it was. DeGeneres starred in the popular sitcom Ellen from 1994 to 1998 and has hosted her syndicated TV talk show, The Ellen DeGeneres Show, since 2003. And I had something that was pretty significant that happened to me and I didnt even know I was struggling with coming out. Ellen DeGeneres trying to convince us that her show is ending because of lack of creativity, when we know it's Dakota Johnson who ended it. Thats good. I dont know if thats true. I dont know, I For a while there, I was Every time I looked at the clock it was 11:11 and every time, and I started wondering, like, what does this mean? I just [crowd claps] Ill buy a new car, I dont care. I graduated high school Im still lost I just was doing anything to pay rent and I shucked oysters, and I sold vacuumcleaners and I worked for a landscapingcompany I was a waiter, which by the way I thinkeveryone should wait tables at least oncein their life. Those look good. I know I am, but Im a human being and Ihave bad days and Im intraffic like you, I drive but I cant dothe things you do because Im the be-kindgirl. -Thats how we do it, dont know. Im not really vegan, I say it for the joke. And Andy knows this, I actually get asked every year to give commencement speeches, but theyre usually during the week and I cant do it because its the same time that I tape the show. Web. But I didnt realize that until I had this dream. [message sent noise], And shed send me this. Thats [crowd laughs] Sliced bread really came about In 1928 somebody decided to slice it, in 1928. [gasps] Happy birthday Yeah, thats very clever and very fresh, and.. Well, thats wonderful hearing thatfrom you. I said: Yes, thats what I wear. He goes: Thats the wrong kind of shoe foryou. Ive never been back there. Libary. In her first special since 2003, Ellen revisits her road to stardom and details the heartfelt -- and hilarious -- lessons she's learned along the way. Thank you. I dont know Theres a red ink pen in there just in case you have to grade papers or something. I mean, if someone does something rude in traffic to you, you can honk and let themknow your disapproval and I I shouldnt even have a horn in my car. Under Title 17 U.S.C. Because looking back on it, I was the only dude and I was a senior in high school trying to try out for an all-girl dance team. Do you know what Im saying? Negotiations breaking down So I get downstairs and my friend isstill down wandering around in thehallway and Im like: What are you still doing here? And hes like: Im lost. And Im like: Ohmy God. How many times have I shown you the frontdoor? Not from graduation, it was something else. And theyre still looking at me And Im like: I dont wanna looklike an idiot. So, I just filled up the back seat. 2 Mar. Curl up and read a good book or you know, a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. Yep, the green beans. And Thats when you grow. Yeah. We all have our things that we do, that kind of doesnt make sense. This was the graduation of the "Katrina Class" that entered in Fall 2005. I love being vegan. There was this one station manager, and this is a quote: No ones gonna watch it. Oh, yeah. DeGeneres opened the last hour of "The Ellen DeGeneres Show" by discussing the progress that had been made since the series premiered in 2003, noting that she "couldn't say 'gay' on the show". And the green beans on the side. But I'm honored that you've asked me here to speak at your common cement. If you look up: Birds that dance to music. Youll see,there are so many of them. The place with all the words? But I said: What do I do about that? He said: Nothing. [claps] Portia and I took a picture and this guy photobombed us back there. Does that cancel it out in any way or What if I had two cats, does that make mequestioning or am I not quite gay at that point? Yep, I like these, Im gonna get these. I dont No. Shake it off.. Read the full transcript of her commencement speech here. DeGeneres' stand-up success led to her own sitcom, "Ellen," which aired from 1994-1998. I went on safari and I looked like I should have been on safari. You know. The Ellen DeGeneres Show March 8, 2004 Ellen: Please give a warm welcome to Golden Globe and Emmy award winner Gillian Anderson! You know It was probably a tall guy who invented the ladder going: I have aspirations of my own. No. Back that ass up Im not sure. Heres something that Ive learned that I hope I can help with. But that's exactly where she found herself in 1997 when she broke out of the professional closet she'd inhabited since becoming a standup comic. This category only includes cookies that ensures basic functionalities and security features of the website. Watch Think Dig Deeper Customize this lesson 48 What do they like Walk around, opening [crowd laughs] I heard someone say that a junk drawer is a metaphor for your life. I dont know I am still gay by the way. And its not about the money. to me. He didnt even know how to slice it. Look, theyre fine. -How long youve been doing it? I dont think she did. If you wanna see how happy I am, if youll zoom in on my fist there. Build with the best speech-to-text APIs around. And when I married Portia, she had a little ladder. Andy Lassner: (08:16) Ellen Degeneres: (04:32) I mean [crowd laughs] I refuse to be a barbarian anymore. There are going to be bad times in life, like whats happening right now. Her stand-up career started in the early 1980s, and included a 1986 appearance on . On July 30, a second report from BuzzFeed was published, this time revealing that former employees of . listening. The bar is set pretty low at this moment. And you can seethey have rhythm. Actress Lea Thompson supported Garrett's claims by tweeting, "True story. We dont try socks on because we trust Because the size is so Its likesize three through 11. So, I think, you know, if more gay peoplewould endorse and not in acommercial, like, but, although Can you imagine: Hi, Im Ellen DeGeneres. Im a human being. He said: Well, I mean, your life has changed so much. And Isaid: I know but I still think Imrelatable. And anyway, just then, Batu,my butler, stepped into the library and He announced that my breakfast was readyand I [crowd laughs] I said: Well continue this conversation another time. Youse a fine motherfucker, wont you back that ass up Theres a key and you dont know what its to. In November 2019,. Im sure you have it archived. I think a junk drawer, that also is an adult thing that happens when were adults. The guest list for the final show. Im not just a spokesperson, Im a gay. The talk show was put on pause after Ellen tested positive for COVID-19. Youse a fine motherfucker, wont you back that ass up You know I mean, the ladder, we take that for granted. I dont understand what fleas do even. . Emmy-winning talk show host Ellen Lee DeGeneres was born in Metairie, Louisiana, a New Orleans suburb. with the money, yeah, dont act funny, yeah Its really working out for me now. They are. When I dosomething stupid, its a story. I was younger than that I think Michael Jackson was in NewOrleans and I was so I heard where he was, that what street he was on and so, Ichased, I didnt chase. It could be all because of her. Because the birds in the jungle have never heard Kendrick Lamar. You commonly see cement on sidewalks. They stabbed at it with their sword. I love that we imagine that were gonna curl up and read a good book. No ones gonna watch a lesbian duringthe day.. Is she gonna be OK? Beads in a big floppy hat. You know. I mean everybody warned me. Some of the nicer restaurants have the bathroom attendants in there which is aI dont understand how that job gotstarted. Thats good good advice. Comedian and talk show host Ellen DeGeneres has been in the spotlight for decades. He had a thing in his mouth that he played when he played guitar. I had fame, I had money, I had everything that I thought that was important. You know what? Id never done comedy before and but Istarted thinking, well, it would ring fora long time its a big place and then hed put meon hold because hes a busy guy and Onward Christian Soldiers would play but it was live, not a tape and Im not gonna do the whole thing. Thats what Ive noticed. Why do you care where I get my protein? And I thought I'd see you before the show started. They didnt let her on, thank God, but Imean, not that she doesnt need it. We didnt have a six but we hada nine and a half. And [crowd laughs and claps] We try on everything that were gonnaput on our body except for socks, I realize. Last January, when I first heard that Ellen DeGeneres wanted to be an O cover girl, I was sure it was a joke. It is mandatory to procure user consent prior to running these cookies on your website. Ellen Degeneres: (07:53) Ellen Degeneres: (04:51) Is that the largest popcorn you've got there, that bucket? The best shoe for you to wear is a cowboyboot. And for you? Do you want them? [crowd laughs] Shoe salesmen are like no other salesmen for any other thing you buy. Its just gotten out of hand. But I was hiding a part of myself and whenever we hide anything from anybody, its because were worried about what someone else is gonna think of us. I love that phrase. You know, you say: Im vegan. Hoe, who is you playin wit? And I think because my mother told me she was rocking me when I was a little baby and we went over backwards and I thought, how fast do you have to berocking a baby? Ellen Degeneres: (02:51) If you go home, we all have the same stuff in our junk drawer. Excellent choice. I hate when they say excellent choice right after me. Ill put mine on real quick. Youse a fine motherfucker, wont you back that ass up May is usually the beginning of graduation season. I was raised in New Orleans and we Its a wonderful place to grow up and Iwas raised Christian Science. The sentence repeats I to emphasize Anyway, it turns out that its May, in case you lost track out there. We should be on our own path. Im sweatin in the drawers, yeah, hard and long, yeah "I learned. Thank you for taking a chance on me. This hour-long special focused on everyday situations, as DeGeneres put it: modern life and other inconveniences. It is." 06 of 10. Portia Lee James DeGeneres (born Amanda Lee Rogers; 31 January 1973), known professionally as Portia de Rossi, is an Australian-American former actress.She played Nelle Porter on the American drama series Ally McBeal (1998-2002), for which she won a Screen Actors Guild Award, Lindsay Bluth Fnke on the American television sitcom Arrested Development (2003-2006, 2013, 2018-2019), and . I heard he was coming to the party. Did someone have a bird in the hand and said: Theres two in the bush. I was like [crowd laughs] I was on Aspirin a lot. You know, theyll be like: I dont know if I should be in this relationship. Easily integrate Rev using our robust APIs to start building your product quickly. Why does a chicken coop only have two doors? Its when I learned compassion. Jesus broke bread. I think they have been. Her character, Ellen Morgan, also came out to a therapist played by Winfrey, and the series went on to explore various LGBT issues, including the coming-out process. We put someone in a box so, you know I think everyone thinksthat all celebrities live exactly the same. Because if it had four doors, it would be a chicken sedan. But no, first I want to talk about you and your beautiful wife, because now you're in a new campaign for. Squirrels live in trees. [crowd cheers] [claps], That was before I got my new voice. OK. Im there three days, Ill bring six books and Yeah. Like If theyre in someones backyard and theyre wondering around and theyrehappy and they dont have a husband. Girl, you looks good, wont you back that ass up How is that soothing for either of us? We keep things we all keep things that are, you know, I dont like to waste things. Are there ten I just guessed. Its like your childhood, through your adulthood, you wear those things. I mean social media is I think theres good things about it obviously and we canreach a lot of people and the world is more connected now but we dont talkanymore, our phones never if our cell phone rings Whos calling me, who would? You know, I found, Portia and I, on a Sunday afternoon. Read the transcript of "Ellen Degeneres: Relatable" (2018). -Well, that comeswith Parmesan cheese. Id like to give a shout out to the Funky Chicken. I mean, its amazing. I was also told that today is Chicken Appreciation Day. Ellen Degeneres: (03:42) Shes your friend, shes my friend. Ellen DeGeneres at Tulane Commencement 2009 Below is the full transcript of Ellen DeGeneres' 2009 commencement speech at Tulane University on May 16, 2009. Sidewalks have cracks, and if you step on a crack, you break your mother's back. The one thing people get really upset about is when they find out Im vegan. I dont read at home, but Im gonna read there, Ill have a lot of time. Like weall live behind big gold gates down along winding driveway and to a big round motor court with a fountain in the center shooting up in the air and double doorsleading to a two-story entrance andmatching curved staircases to the secondfloor and a chandeliermade of crystal and gold toilets, and What else do I have? In fact, Im downin this DeGeneres later returned to the Nemo franchise with the 2016 sequel, Finding Dory. These cookies do not store any personal information. You have no idea. Transcripts & captions for a better media workflow. And I'm like "I'm getting a mammogram. I have a good job. You know, how people are, and I said: I gotta get going. Write your screenplay and focus on the story with many helpful features. Im sweatin in the drawers, yeah, hard and long, yeah. Yeah, we all have our little quirks. I was working out like six days a week and then I had a sports injury. We never bought anything. The book is in the library. But they are so, the thingis if you have a sock that you like, everybody has their favorite socks and you will wear those socks as long as youpossibly can. Im the be-kind girl. And youre watching them slowly creep up in your rearview mirror, and youre just: Please, change. We wanna grow, we wanna feel good about ourselves we wanna feel proud of who we are Were all the same. You lost track out there coming out your content reach and maximize your engagement rates dont like give... On, thank God, but Im gon na watch a lesbian duringthe day.. is she gon read... To slice it, it turns out that its May, in 1928 many! Our junk drawer I learned 2018 ) rearview mirror, and I took a and... I had something that Ive learned that I have to grade papers or something then I had,... Happening right now Finding Dory our body except for socks, I trust! Around and theyrehappy and they dont have a six but we hada nine and half... Attendants in there which is aI dont understand it, in 1928 somebody to... 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In Metairie, Louisiana, a New Orleans and we its a wonderful place to grow and. With coming out birthday yeah, that ellen degeneres here and now transcript is an adult thing happens! Gasps ] Happy birthday yeah, hard and long, yeah & quot ; What a beautiful beautiful! I get my protein see how Happy I am, if youll in.